We’ve scoured the internet for the best Banjo jokes, memes, puns, humor and cartoons.
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How do you make a mandolin sound beautiful?
Sell it and buy a violin.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
Why is a mandolin better than an harmonica?
The mandolin burns longer.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the mandolin recital.
What is the difference between a mandolin and a ’57 Chevy?
You can tune a ’57 Chevy.
What do you call a musician without a significant other?
Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
To get away from the noise.
How do you make a mandolin player play more softly?
Put a sheet of music in front of him.
How do you make a mandolin player stop playing?
Put notes on it?
Saint Peter is checking ID’s at the Pearly Gates, and first comes a Texan.”Tell me, what have you done in life?” says St. Peter. The Texan says, “Well, I struck oil, so I became rich, but I didn’t sit on my laurels–I divided all my money among my entire family in my will, so our descendants are all set for about three generations.” St. Peter says, “That’s quite something. Come on in. Next!” The second guy in line has been listening, so he says, “I struck it big in the stock market, but I didn’t selfishly just provide for my own like that Texan guy. I donated five million to Save the Children.” “Wonderful!” says Saint Peter. “Come in. Who’s next?” The third guy has been listening, and says timidly with a downcast look, “Well, I only made five thousand dollars in my entire life time.” “Heavens!” says St. Peter. “What instrument did you play?”
What is the difference between a dead squirrel lying on the road and a mandolin player lying on the road?
The squirrel was on his way to a gig.
How is lightning like a mandolinist’ fingers?
Neither one strikes in the same place twice.
How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?
Put it in a mandolin case.
What’s the difference between a mandolin and an onion?
No one cries when you cut up a mandolin
What’s the definition of “perfect pitch?”
Throwing a mandolin into a dumpster without hitting the rim.
What do a mandolin and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
What is the Range of a Mandolin?
As far as you can kick it.
A Mandolinist was hiking in the mountains, and he came upon a shepherd who was tending a large herd of sheep that were grazing in the alpine meadow. The mandolinist took a fancy to the sheep, and asked the shepherd: “If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?” The shepherd thought this was an odd request, but thought that there was little chance that the man would guess the exact number of sheep, so he said “Sure.” The mandolinist guessed “You have 287 sheep,” to the shepherd’s astonishment, since this was exactly how many sheep he had. The mandolinist got all excited and asked “Can I pick out my sheep now?” and the shepherd grudgingly gave his permission. The mandolinist selected his sheep, bent over, and swung the sheep over his shoulders, to carry home with him. The shepherd then got an idea and asked “If I guess what your occupation is, can I have my sheep back?” The mandolinist was a bit surprised by this, but figured that it was unlikely that the shepherd would be able to guess his occupation, and went along with the deal. The shepherd then guessed “You’re a mandolinist, aren’t you?” The mandolinist was very surprised and asked, “How did you know?” The shepherd responded, “Put the dog down and we’ll talk about it.”
What did the mandolin player get on his IQ test?
A girl asked if I play any Indian instruments.
I told her I play mandolin, violin and cello. Close, but no sitar.
Why did the harp punch the mandolin?
It called him a lyre.
What do you throw to a drowning banjo player?
I said “Hello” to a guitar earlier and it spoke back to me in Chinese
I said “Sorry I don’t speak Mandolin”
What is the most macho musical instrument?
What do you call a young mandolin?
What do you get when you cross a mandolin and a banjo?
An instrument that even a bass player can tell is out of tune.
Then there was the mandolin player who got addicted to playing waltzes. It was so bad, he had to go into rehab.
It was a three-step program!
A guitar player and a mandolin player both slip and fall off a high cliff. Which one will hit the ground first?
The guitarist. The mando player had to stop and tune up half-way.
More Mandolin Jokes
Q.How many Mando-Players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A.10—One to screw it in, 9 to say “I could do it faster”
Yeah—not good at all, but does anyone know any better ones?
Not mandolin specific but sure to offend many:
Q: How many bluegrass players does it take to change a light bulb?
Q: How do you get an mandolin player off your front step ?
A: Pay for the pizza.
A: None. They won’t touch anything electric.
Q: What’s the difference between a mandolin player and a pizza ?
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: What’s the difference between a mandolin player and a certificate of deposit?
A: The CD will eventually mature and make money.
Q: What is a gentleman ?
A: Someone who knows how to play mandolin but doesn’t.
Q: What does a mandolin player use for birth control ?
A: His personality.
Q: How do you make a mandolin player’s car more aerodynamic?
A: Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof.
Q: What’s the difference between a mandolin player and a foot massager?
A: A foot massager generally bucks up the feat…
Q: How can you tell if there’s a mandolin player at your door?
A: They can’t find the key, the knocking speeds up, and they don’t know when to come in.
Q: What’s the difference between a hoover vacuum cleaner in your living room and a mandolin player on stage?
A: The location of the dirtbag.
Q: Why does a mandolin have eight strings?
A: To double the chances that one of them will be in tune.
Q: How do you recruit professional mandolin players in any large city?
A: Stand on a street corner and yell “Taxi”
Q: How do you know when a mandolin player has a girlfriend?
A: There’s tobacco juice stains on the passenger door of his pickup truck!
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